yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
