hotel room ftw
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
