btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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