I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize