Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
