I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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