wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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