and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
well you can't waste a boner
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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