is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
