I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
