Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
