So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
