That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
