he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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