I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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