I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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