Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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