...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
