Just cropdusted the office
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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