you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
