Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
