I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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