We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
