So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
