Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
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eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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