Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
