You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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