69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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