you would pick up someone in the library
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
