Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
