The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
