did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
