Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
