she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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