My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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