She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
