I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
