so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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