seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
