its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
