i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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