yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
