Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
