Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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