Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
