I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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