I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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