the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
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i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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