Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
