Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
