apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
