I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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