when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
