My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
where does the pee come out of this thing
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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