They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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