Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
