Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
