That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
