You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I will die if light touches me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
