I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
