I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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