I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize