Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
