Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
