I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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