god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
